Y Friday, December 26, 2008Y
argh. why why why.
12:15 AM
Getting a range of Bs has always been a norm ever since i've gotten into University, and it wasn't really very demoralizing for me since i've already convinced myself that i'm just a B- to B+ standard student. So what if my 8MCs studio got a B or B-, i don't really feel sad unless i see a C. But this time, it's different. I almost cried over that grade i got for my studio.Thinking back on the amount of work that i've put in for the project, and how i struggled on the path to an impossible mission. In the end, i made it through and made an impossible idea into reality. I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a great struggle for me to pull it through, but apparently, it wasn't. How silly of me to believe that it was a great project. Mr Christian even wanted to put my project in his book. Though it was cumbersome with the photoshoot and everything, deep in my heart i felt honoured that my teacher choosed my project. MY PROJECT, the lovely project that i've spent endless nights just to find a solution to make it into reality. For a moment, i was so proud of what i've done. I almost cried when my project was done. This time, the thought went through my mind that maybe i could get an A for this, even just an A- would be good enough. Reality smashed right onto my face: I got a B-.
This is the worst B- I've ever got. For the first time i really really feel that i can get a good grade, yet i've gotten a grade that is worse than my previous semesters. It was as if all that i've done was bullshit in the eyes of my tutors. TOTAL BULLSHIT. yes, it was foolish of me to believe i can do it this time, it was definitely mulfunction in my brain to even had that thought. Ridiculous and total insanity! now i'm more assured about my abilty. A lousy grade suits my ability. Maybe i'm just not cut out for industrial design. Why should i even bother to build my passion for it when it was SO APPARENT that it's not my cup of tea?
Let time flushes away all the disappointments and emotions that i'm feeling now, till my sky turns grey, so i no longer feel for my projects. As of the start of school, projects are assignments to be completed, not a part of me. it used to be like that, and it will continue to be.
Y Saturday, December 13, 2008Y
slack
2:07 AM
i'm slacking like nobody's business now. slacking till i become an old granny, slacking till i hate myself. i don't like who am i now. sounds pretty stupid but i guess something is wrong somewhere in my life that i really feel irritated by it. it's like i've been really wild about life recently, going out and meeting up with friends. that sounds really fine, i mean it's not that i'm those unsociable human beings that prefer to stay at home rather than hanging out. however, something is wrong. i don't know why and the reason is yet to be found. my life is weird now, and i don't know why. i just hate myself now, and there's nothing i can do about it.
Y Thursday, December 04, 2008Y
super sian of com center job
12:54 AM
i really really dono how to quit com center. i'm fine doing the drawings during my holidays, but during the sem? it's no way i can cope. given the amount of work that i'm recieving this semester, i doubt i can cope with the increased workload for the next semester. is there a problem with his ability to understand? am i not clear enough in my words or what? I guess i'll have to email his superior directly for this. Please don't say that i didnt give you any chance to react. i've messaged you a long time ago, and you refused to take my words and find a replacement. now, i shall email your superior directly to inform my stand, I SHALL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DRAWINGS ANYMORE! I know i may sound kind of irresponsible for quitting, but i guess you need to know that there are different priorities in different people. OBVIOUSLY studies and projects are more important to me than your work. i shall finish my last bit of work that i can help you, but that will be the last of it. hope you undetstand my position. it's not because the pay isn't attractive, but it gets really tiring to have to draw something when you haven't even got time to finish what you REALLY have to finish. please, leave me.